Advice Needed: My Daughter Feels Like We Are Poor.

Last week my seven-year old daughter told me that we are poor. I asked her why she felt that way and she said,"Because we can't buy all the toys I want."

Frankly, I was shocked at the comment. My husband has a very good job and makes a very good salary. However, we happen to live in one of the most expensive parts of the United States and while our property taxes aren't the highest in the nation, they are very close. Because of the high cost of living in our area, we have enough for all our needs but very little for our wants. I talk to my kids about budgeting. I am not the kind of mom that buys her kids stuff all the time.

I talked to her about what being poor really means and reminded her of an experience we had in Egypt. We visited Garbage Mountain, a place where the poorest people in Cairo live. The garbage is sent to this place and these people sort through the garbage and eek a living out of it. We went there while they were having a religious festival. I was stunned at the happy attitude of the children living there. You can read more about Garbage Mountain here.

This morning, my daughter made a comment to me again about how she wanted her dad to make more money. I realized that something is going on in her little mind about money and how she perceives it.

Here are my questions:

How do you teach your kids about money and budgeting?
How do you talk to your kids about poverty and wealth?
How do you promote gratitude about what you have?

I would love to read what you think, so PLEASE comment!

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Celebrating 37 Years of Life

I turned 37 yesterday. My two oldest boys woke me up with hugs and kisses just before they left for school. My oldest son isn't much for hugs and kisses these days, so his hug felt extra precious. My little baby snuggled in close to me as I fed her. Then my four-year old son and seven-year old daughter burst into my room, dancing with excitement as they half-yelled their birthday greetings to me. I feel so richly blessed to be the mother of six pretty great kids and the wife to an amazing man. My parents and sisters sent their birthday greetings through text messages and phone calls. Later in the day, my Facebook feed and Instagram feeds were flooded with birthday wishes from friends all over the world, reminding me how rich my life really is.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Stones, bugs, and a new baby

In the spirit of sharing those ordinary stories I wrote about yesterday, I am going to inundate you with details about the ailments plaguing our family. Just kidding. I won't go into all the details, because. . . yuck.

Since January. . .
four cases of strep throat
two cases of ear infections
seven really bad colds and coughs
the stomach flu has stalked us this week, making the rounds through most of my children
more stomach ailments (the specifics of which I won't frighten you)
Kidney stones
more colds and congestion

We've had antibiotics, breathing treatments, nasal sprays, and crackers. Lots and lots of crackers.

In two days, I had an ultrasound, ct scan, and x-ray for my kidney stones. While waiting at the hospital to get my scan, I remarked to my husband that I was the most expensive family member because we spend the most money on me. And we aren't spending it on fun stuff like books, scrapbooking supplies, or jewelry. No, we spend it on boring (and possibly, lifesaving) stuff like ct scans. Fortunately, or unfortunately, whichever way you want to take it, we have met the deductible of our high deductible insurance plan. I think I did that just with the birth of my baby. Hospitals are expensive! I got the bill for the one-night stay in the hospital and was floored. I've stayed in some REALLY nice hotels in the Middle-East that were far less expensive and much more luxurious. Still, they didn't come with the cutest little baby on the planet. So I'll take the expensive bill and enjoy my little one.

And just to prove that she is the cutest baby on the planet, feast on this. . .

Warning: Babies this cute have been known to induce intense baby hunger.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Recording an Ordinary Life

Snuggling my new baby girl and reading.
It's the simple things in life. . . 

I recently began reading the book, Little House in the Big Woods, to my children. The story is deceptively simple one of a young girl living in the woods with her family. Their life revolves around survival at it's most basic core. Pa hunts animals and then he and his family spend much of their time preserving food for the coming winter. Of course there are fun times such as playing with a ball made from a pig's bladder. These details must have seemed mundane and ordinary to Mrs. Wilder as she recalled them. However mundane and ordinary the details are, they compel us with their simplicity. The Little House Series reminds me that I have stories of my own to tell, even though the details seem insignificant and small.

Joe Fassler wrote a fascinating piece in The Atlantic about the author, Claire Messud. In "Words on Paper Will Outlast Us": How Claire Messud Distills Her Life,"  Claire Messud says this,"Just because we lose so much does not make the small fragments we do preserve less valuable--quite the opposite. Storytelling is a human impulse, and making meaning is a human impulse. We want to make sense of things, and we will always try to tell the fuller story from the fragments that we've got. . . There is always a world to discover within the shards we have."

This article blew me away as author Claire Messud reminds us that once we are gone, what remains of us is often words on paper. Eventually the people who knew us best and loved us will die, and their memories will die with them. Isn't this so true? Haven't we all lost people in our lives whose presence are gone because of what they haven't written? And don't we treasure those fragments we have even more because of their scarcity?

My grandparents died more than a decade ago. I have hundreds of questions I would ask them if they were with me right now. Those unanswered questions compel me to share my own stories and experiences  through blogging and scrapbooking. The last eight months of my life have been incredibly full, but also difficult to record in blogging. I simply haven't had the energy to write lengthy or even brief blog posts. What I have recorded comes in short, almost cryptic phrases that I am now starting to flesh out.

I believe very strongly that we all have stories of our ordinary lives to tell. Remember that life isn't just about the grand moments or the big events that punctuate our stories. We all have small moments and details that paint a big picture of a life well-lived.

My challenge to you is take some time today to start telling your story in a journal, blog post, or a letter. It doesn't have to be grand or earth-shaking. Just share a piece of yourself.

Share with me what prevents you from recording your life. If you do take time to journal or blog, what keeps you going?


Here are some ideas to get you started:
What's on your shopping list? And what does that say about your life and family? How does it compare to your shopping list last year?
What is your routine like in the morning? (Trust me, you'll want to write this down because it really does change based on the schools your children are in or where you live.)
What is the hardest part of your day and why?
What is something you do well?
What is something you do really, really badly?
What is an accomplishment you are proud of?
What is something you regret and why?
Share a favorite childhood memory.
What subject were you best at in school?
What was your hardest subject in school?
What do you do that relaxes you?
What stresses you out?

Have fun!

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Are Men Obsolete?

I recently came across this debate that men are obsolete in our 21st century. I did not listen to the debate because reading the description made my blood boil and stomach hurt. I have four sons: ages 14, 12, 10, and 4 and truly, I worry about the world they are facing as they hurtle towards adulthood. I worry about the decline of men accepting responsibility and stepping up as husbands and fathers in our current society. But I also have begun to see that men aren't stepping up because they have no incentive to do so.

In this opinion piece by Susanne Venker, she lists a few reasons why women still need husbands. The main thrust of her argument is that when men provide financially then women are able to have more flexibility and have children. I agree that she is right and providing IS invaluable and really, really important. But it seems a little shallow as well. Most husbands have much more to offer their wives and children than a paycheck. And if a paycheck were all that were needed for success and happiness for a family, then the women who asserted that men are obsolete are actually right.

So here are a few problems I have with both pieces.

1) The women debating the value of men in our society today are coming from a position of privilege in both education and work. While it is certainly true that more and more women have access to better education and thus get better jobs, that still doesn't mean that the majority of women are in this position. American Progress has a piece about the reality of women in poverty.  I was startled to read that 51 % of women living in poverty are single without dependent children. Of course the piece advocates wage equality and other measures. What they didn't talk about was how marriage affects poverty. Only 12% of women living in poverty are actually married. This fact sheet discusses how marriage affects poverty for women and children.

2) Susanne Venker pretty much ignores the emotional and spiritual effects of marriage on men and women. Instead of citing studies and articles, I want to talk about what marriage has done for me. My husband is a very involved father and husband. He helps with housework and is directly involved with parenting.

 Last week we were snowed in and he spent the day helping me re-arrange furniture in our bedroom, putting away the Christmas decorations and getting rid of the tree, and using the snow-blower to clear our driveway. He did most of the work for the first two things and all of the work for the third. I could have done those things myself, but at 8 1/2 months pregnant, it would have been difficult and painful. Even when I'm not pregnant, those things would have been hard. His physical strength is a gift and one that I am grateful for.

 I take on the traditional role of caring for our home, cooking most of the meals, helping the kids with homework, and doing the bulk of the parenting when he is at work. Together we work together toward common goals for our family and future. It is a very cooperative endeavor that brings me a lot of joy. I'm grateful for his thoughts and point of view when grappling with problems. I appreciate that we can laugh together about the antics of our children. I am grateful that he steps forward to lend a hand when I am at the end of my rope.

Above all, he is my best friend and my partner. We used to be two very individual people, but we have grown together to form a unit. Without him, I don't feel whole. I am not ashamed to say that. I believe that he would say the same about me.

3) Fathers are not obsolete. My kids adore their dad. He plays boardgames with them for hours. He takes them sledding. He teases them and rolls around on the floor with them. He teaches them how to build and do things. He encourages them how to work. He shows them how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Every single one of my boys talks about being a father and looks forward to parenthood, because they see their dad loves being their dad. They want to be like him. My daughter loves her dad and knows what kind of man she wants to marry because she has such a good example.

Make no mistake about it, a dad who loves his children and believes in them makes a difference for a lifetime. My husband has that kind of dad. I have that kind of dad.  Dads are not replaceable. I have friends whose fathers abandoned them and it is a hurt and loss that never goes away.

4) Remember we have a generation of boys growing up that are being told that all their masculine qualities are bad and that they should be repressed. I don't favor a return of telling girls that they aren't capable, but why are we doing that to our boys now? Do we really want boys to grow up like many of the men today--the ones who don't work, have children out of wedlock without taking responsibility, the ones who quit their education? I don't. Boys who grow up hearing that they have value and a role in life are more likely to work toward that end. Boys who have dads who love them and support them are going to be more likely to want to become men of worth and value.

5) I want my daughter to be able to choose from a good selection of good young men. I want her to be able to find a man who will want to cherish her and become a responsible husband and father. How is that going to happen if we don't encourage our boys today?

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Thoughts on Moses 1

I'm excited to be studying the Old Testament in Sunday School this year. Actually, I'm just excited to be at Sunday School this year, period---as I have been in Primary for over a decade.

Last Sunday our teacher pointed out that the first chapter in Moses was originally in the Old Testament but that it was removed. He asked us to think about what it contains that Satan wouldn't want to be in the Bible.

There were lots of comments and good ideas shared. I had a couple thoughts that I didn't get to share in class because time was limited.

1) The Adversary has managed to get people to believe that God doesn't have a body and is unfair and unjust. In other words, he has helped the world believe in a God that more resembles himself (Satan) than God.

2) Bodies are really, really important and those who rejected God's plan don't ever get to have a body. So Satan and his followers have worked really hard to make those of us who followed God's plan hate our bodies. Many Christian theologies likewise believe that eternal glory means not having a body at all.
Our current media saturated society is heavily built on the idea that our bodies are terrible and encourages abuse upon abuse of our bodies.

I have just a few weeks left before I have my sixth child. Right now my body hurts. My legs and hips ache. My back aches from the heavy burden I carry in front. I don't sleep well. What I really want to do is lay on a couch all day and sleep, but I can't because of all the people who depend on me. It has been so tempting for me to despise this body and part of this process because it is so difficult and painful. But thinking about how important our bodies are, makes me so grateful that I actually get to have this experience. I am sacrificing my body in a very real way to bring a new body into this world. A body like mine--that will hopefully someday have the privilege of bearing children of her own.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Parenting Styles

I have long admired one of my friends in particular for her mothering skills. At times, I have felt the disappointing feelings of jealousy as I've watched her children grow and develop from afar, comparing my own kids and their lack of success in certain areas, and feeling like not only I, but my kids have come up short.

I've always thought that it is a pretty dangerous thing to compare parenting styles. People are different and we all face unique challenges. But that can be pretty hard to avoid, even when our intentions are good.

I recently had the opportunity to get together with that friend. Our kids had a good time together playing and spending time together. Our time together confirmed my long held belief that my friend is a great mother. But I also realized something important. My friend and I parent differently because we value different things. Our children reflect those values pretty darn well. I watched her kids do some great things, because of how she parented her children. And I watched my children do some different great things, because of the things I value and have tried to incorporate in our family. I am a pretty great mother too. I have had different challenges than my friend--health challenges in particular. My children are different too and have their own struggles. I've adapted to those challenges and we are growing together. Likewise my friend has faced her own personal challenges, along with the individual challenges her children present to her.

I am so glad that we were able to get together again. I feel great about myself and my friend, knowing that neither of us are lacking. AND we both have great kids.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED