A Jar of Soup and a Loaf of Bread

After yesterday's post asking for help and understanding, I was shocked at the flood of messages I received. Several of my friends posted loving, supportive, and compassionate comments. A few sent encouraging private messages. A few friends sent me texts offering support and advice. I truthfully didn't expect any of those responses. But oh, how they filled my heart and soul. I have amazing friends.

Reading so many messages of comfort and hope made me feel stronger than I have felt in a long while. This morning I made several phone calls and was able to arrange for a visit to a doctor and find a local therapist. I'm  fortunate that the company my husband works offers provisions for mental health services. Initially, I can get 8 sessions of therapy without paying anything out of pocket. After that, we can assess my future needs. I feel confident that with these measures, I am going to find help and solutions. I do experience depression occasionally, but they are often temporary-lasting no more than a few months at a time and I don't expect that my malaise will linger much longer with good care and help.

The most humbling and soul-filling moment also occurred today. Last night, my friend sent me a very long text sharing thoughts and offering concrete advice. This morning she asked if I wanted to spend time at her home. I wasn't up to that just yet and had to finish some other things at home. Later in the day, she sent me a text saying she was bringing dinner over and would let me know her arrival time later.

A few hours later she showed up at my back door, arms laden with grocery bags filled with food: delicious warm soup in jars, bread, salad, muffins, doughnuts, and potatoes. It was just so generous and wonderful that I could hardly believe it. We talked for a few minutes and she encouraged me in my efforts to get help.

This evening as I served this meal, I couldn't stop the tears. My kids watched me dish out soup, spread butter on bread, and spoon salad onto their plates in confusion as tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't even explain why I was crying to them. As I ate my friend's delicious soup, I swear I could hear a gentle voice saying, "You are loved, Tiffany. Everything is going to be OK."

And it will be. I feel like a giant load has been lifted off my shoulders. I have already taken steps to get help. I discovered that I have this amazing network of friends ready to lift me up and encourage me. My husband, parents, and sisters are all reaching out to me offering their love and support.

So thank you, friends. I certainly don't deserve you or your kindness, but I am wholeheartedly grateful for it.

Wondering Wednesday: Mourning with Those Who Mourn

Late in the afternoon I received a text from a ward member. It was news of the most devastating sort as a young man in his prime had lost his life in a tragic accident. His family, friends of mine, were cast into the deep valley of grief.

Later that evening, I knocked on their door and waited for them to open the door. My friend's husband welcomed me inside with red eyes raw from crying. I wrapped my arms around him and we cried together.

I then entered their home, whether the family was sitting silently and patiently, each waiting to receive a blessing from missionaries and a ward member. Friends sat in the room, offering comfort and silent support as we witnessed the blessings. I sat on the bench, in a holy place, mourning with my friends who were mourning.

After the blessings were given, more friends arrived, to sit and comfort, talk quietly, or to sit in silent acceptance. Words were inadequate and at times, we said nothing. I couldn't shake the feeling that the act of sitting together, often in silence, grieving together was an expression of love. Platitudes were not offered, but rather acceptance of the loss and the pain that accompanied it.

In my current responsibility as Relief Society President, I often have the opportunity to be present in those most intimate moments of loss and grief. Sometimes I have a personal connection that I also feel loss. At other times, my grief is for those who mourn. I am learning that holding space and comfort for those walking in that deep valley of grief is a hard thing to do because you have to be fully present and totally sensitive to their needs. Each situation is unique and cannot be navigated with trite sayings. Often words fail us and we resort to actions of love-washing dishes, bringing food, loving embraces, and tears.

What have your experiences been when helping a grieving family? How have you coped with loss? What does it mean to you to mourn with those who mourn?

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

November 2015 Review

Walter

Walter studied and then took his driver's permit exam. He passed and now has his permit. Unfortunately, he hasn't gotten much practice of late. I need to take him out to drive around the parking lot at the town park. I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I have a teenager old enough to drive. In my mind, I still see him as my baby. I suppose this is the problem every parent faces as their children grow up.

Local Election

I worked the local election at the high school this year. This time I was a chairperson at our table, which gave me extra responsibilities, but also came with a small pay increase. It was a good day--kind of a respite from my normal family and church responsibilities. I got to read some, but we were also pretty busy. 

Church Stuff

Once again responsibilities at church ate up my time and days. We have several people in the ward with some serious needs. Three women have cancer and are undergoing treatments. Some of them have great support while others needed more help. I also had to plan and organize the Ward Thanksgiving Dinner for around 250 people. I didn't do all the cooking--but I had to make assignments and then make sure people fulfilled them. On the big day, I barely left the kitchen. It was a successful event, but I am more than glad to say it is over.

The other thing that took a lot of time was fulfilling a stake assignment to make sure all the families in the ward had a decent Thanksgiving. With the PEC, we identified families in need. I helped coordinate the delivery of boxes of food to these families. The pickup and delivery was kind of disastrous. But in the end it all worked out.

Winter vs. Eris

Eris and Winter had yet another skirmish and Winter came out the loser, again. Winter loves the kitty and is pretty gentle with her. However, sometimes the cat just can't stand the extra attention or "love" and she lashes out. This last time, Winter ended up with a Harry Potter type scratch on her forehead.

Toddler Antics

Winter is pretty sweet, but as all toddlers must, she is testing her boundaries and my limits. This means she gets in the bottom freezer a lot (whoever thought that was a good idea???). One time she pulled out a package of butter, unwrapped each stick, and then stuffed the sticks back in the butter box. She often pulls the stool or chairs up to the counter and then plays with whatever she can get her hands on. I am much more patient with her than I was with her siblings because it really is just a phase, an annoying phase for sure, but it will end.

The Vance Family Visits Us

While living in Sweden, we became close friends with another American family who moved to the area shortly after we did. We went to church together, our children went to school together, and we spent a lot of time together. When we moved, the Vance family stayed in Sweden. They have been there for ten years now. I got an email from Amy a few months ago saying that she and their four girls were going to be in Pennsylvania for the semester so her girls could experience American schools. I was thrilled for the chance to see her. We've been calling and messaging each other. Finally, in November, we talked and Amy said they could come that weekend. 

At first, it was a bit awkward because the older kids really didn't remember one another. I showed them pictures and they visited. Brooke immediately made friends with the two younger girls. We stayed up pretty late talking on Friday. On Saturday, Amy and her four girls, and Trent, Josef, Brooke, Jonathan, and I went to the city on the train. We took them around to favorite sites. We saw the Statue of Liberty from the Staten Island ferry. We walked around the city and saw the Empire State building. We enjoyed wandering around Times Square which was crowded. 

Their family went with us to church to the next day. It was so nice to spend time with them. They really are good friends. Amy and I were able to just pick up where we left off!

Thanksgiving in Kentucky

We visited my sister in Kentucky for Thanksgiving this year. Our drive was smooth and easy. The kids are such great travelers. They don't complain and we are able to drive with few stops. It was nice to see Nicole and her two girls. Her older daughter is close to Winter's age and they mostly get along.

Her baby is also just a bundle of chubby deliciousness. She is sweet and fun to hold. My other sister, Trisha was there as well. She is wrapping up her job and had to be in Cincinnati to do it. It was fun to see her two boys. I had a really great time hanging out with my sisters. We watched Little Women and spent a lot of time just visiting. We even went shopping for a bit.

Brent and I took all the kids out to the zoo for the light show which was fun. We drove home to New York on Sunday. It was a relaxing and rejuvenating visit.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED