Sometimes I feel shame and embarrassment that I feel so much frustration about my life and the way it has gone over the past two years. I don't exactly exude serenity or calm resignation. I want to be facing these challenges that continue to baffle me with more grace and calm.
I was beating myself up yesterday about my response and feeling terrible about how I am failing everywhere. My mind did a bang-up job of internally enumerating every flaw and failure and went on an epic bout of beratement. At the end of which, I felt absolutely terrible and a total mess.
Somehow, miraculously, a thought penetrated the dark fox later in the day:
Yeah, it is true, I am a total mess, but I keep showing up anyway.
I'm still showing up as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and human being. I make dinner, wash laundry, scrub toilets, check homework, take kids to practices, attend school performances and games. I still hug and kiss my husband and we work through our problems, even when are both overwhelmed and exhausted. I still show up for my church responsibilities and also try to be helpful and kind to my friends. I have mourned with grieving friends who have lost parents or family members. I still volunteer at school, even if it is at more minimal level. I try to look for things to be grateful for.
The way I am feeling about my life and the challenges I cope with on a daily basis is pretty normal. It's normal to feel frustration when building permits are delayed. It's normal to be angry and exhausted having to do another temporary move. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and sad thinking about where I want to be versus where I am. It's normal to feel fear and anxiety about parenting. And actually, considering everything we have gone through so far, I'm doing really well and I have handled it with courage and grace.
All those feelings are normal and it is totally fine that I am feeling them. But I'm not allowing my struggles to prevent me from living. Maybe it's not my best life right now, but I'm still moving forward.
I am being adaptable and flexible, allowing these events to shape me to be a better human being. I feel a hundred times better thinking that, I'm a total mess, but I keep showing up anyway.
I was beating myself up yesterday about my response and feeling terrible about how I am failing everywhere. My mind did a bang-up job of internally enumerating every flaw and failure and went on an epic bout of beratement. At the end of which, I felt absolutely terrible and a total mess.
Somehow, miraculously, a thought penetrated the dark fox later in the day:
Yeah, it is true, I am a total mess, but I keep showing up anyway.
I'm still showing up as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and human being. I make dinner, wash laundry, scrub toilets, check homework, take kids to practices, attend school performances and games. I still hug and kiss my husband and we work through our problems, even when are both overwhelmed and exhausted. I still show up for my church responsibilities and also try to be helpful and kind to my friends. I have mourned with grieving friends who have lost parents or family members. I still volunteer at school, even if it is at more minimal level. I try to look for things to be grateful for.
The way I am feeling about my life and the challenges I cope with on a daily basis is pretty normal. It's normal to feel frustration when building permits are delayed. It's normal to be angry and exhausted having to do another temporary move. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and sad thinking about where I want to be versus where I am. It's normal to feel fear and anxiety about parenting. And actually, considering everything we have gone through so far, I'm doing really well and I have handled it with courage and grace.
All those feelings are normal and it is totally fine that I am feeling them. But I'm not allowing my struggles to prevent me from living. Maybe it's not my best life right now, but I'm still moving forward.
I am being adaptable and flexible, allowing these events to shape me to be a better human being. I feel a hundred times better thinking that, I'm a total mess, but I keep showing up anyway.
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