I've been doing this parenting gig for 18 years. With six kids ranging in ages from 4 to 18, I have a pretty decent amount of parenting experience.
I have had this idea or expectation about parenting that I was supposed to: a) protect my kids from harm and b) teach my kids so they would make good decisions and go down a good path.
Turns out I was totally wrong. I definitely think that parents should protect their kids and teach them good principles. BUT, I can't realistically protect my children from every harmful thing (physical or emotional) and I certainly can't control my children's choices. Heck, I can't even make my son turn in his chemistry lab. For a while, I've been beating myself up about my parenting weaknesses, failures, and mistakes. I guess I'm really good at the self-flagellation thing, but it is a horrible space to occupy mentally and can be really hard to recover from.
So here is why I think I'm wrong about how I viewed parenting. The truth is my job as a mother is to love my kids unconditionally, help when they get hurt (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), and to help my kids figure things out whatever choices they make. It's a relief to reframe my responsibilities in that way. First, I am really good at loving my kids. Second, I am good at helping when they get hurt. Third, I have enough life experience to help my kids navigate their choices.
The way I have approached parenting up till now is fear-based which is completely exhausting. Trying to protect one's kids from everything means living in fear constantly and coming up with every scenario and then creating solutions or plans to avoid the pain. Fear is also the primary motivator with ensuring my kids make all the right decisions. That doesn't allow them to grow.
I don't think I really was abiding by the original parenting philosophy but I sure was beating myself up when things went wrong, as they inevitably do. I think my second approach is better because it frees me up to do what I do best.
What do you think? Have you ever looked at parenting the way I used to? What do you think of your role as a parent? Is it fear-based?
I have had this idea or expectation about parenting that I was supposed to: a) protect my kids from harm and b) teach my kids so they would make good decisions and go down a good path.
Turns out I was totally wrong. I definitely think that parents should protect their kids and teach them good principles. BUT, I can't realistically protect my children from every harmful thing (physical or emotional) and I certainly can't control my children's choices. Heck, I can't even make my son turn in his chemistry lab. For a while, I've been beating myself up about my parenting weaknesses, failures, and mistakes. I guess I'm really good at the self-flagellation thing, but it is a horrible space to occupy mentally and can be really hard to recover from.
So here is why I think I'm wrong about how I viewed parenting. The truth is my job as a mother is to love my kids unconditionally, help when they get hurt (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), and to help my kids figure things out whatever choices they make. It's a relief to reframe my responsibilities in that way. First, I am really good at loving my kids. Second, I am good at helping when they get hurt. Third, I have enough life experience to help my kids navigate their choices.
The way I have approached parenting up till now is fear-based which is completely exhausting. Trying to protect one's kids from everything means living in fear constantly and coming up with every scenario and then creating solutions or plans to avoid the pain. Fear is also the primary motivator with ensuring my kids make all the right decisions. That doesn't allow them to grow.
I don't think I really was abiding by the original parenting philosophy but I sure was beating myself up when things went wrong, as they inevitably do. I think my second approach is better because it frees me up to do what I do best.
What do you think? Have you ever looked at parenting the way I used to? What do you think of your role as a parent? Is it fear-based?
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