For two days we walked through a variety of homes for rent in upper Westchester County. Brent and I were eager to start our new life after living in Sweden for 5 1/2 years while he studied for a Ph.D. in Physics. With a new job at IBM, we felt like we were on our way. The first time we walked into the house at 10 Tryon Circle, we both fell in love. It was twice the size of our 700 square foot apartment in Sweden and was in a charming neighborhood. Even though the rent was high, we felt like it would be a good fit for our family. So we signed a lease and in a month moved our family of six (my kids were ages 8, 6, 4, and 1) into the house.
That first year in New York was unbelievably difficult. Trying to adapt to life in a new culture (even though it was my home country) was much harder than I anticipated. The cost of living with its impending necessity of serious penny-pinching, setting up doctors, helping my children adapt to a new country consumed all my time. I neglected my health and found myself in a serious health crisis with my thyroid.
On the heels of my thyroid crisis, which we stabilized, I became pregnant and spiraled down into another health crisis that was baffling to myself and the doctors. Unfortunately, we did not know I was pregnant because I continued to bleed at regular intervals during the first trimester. During this time, I discovered a lump the size of a golf ball in my neck. Alarmed, doctors ordered a battery of tests and my days were filled with doctor visits, blood tests, x-rays, and many questions. After a couple months we determined that I did not have cancer and we finally learned that I was pregnant.
During this time, I was incapable of functioning normally. I was so fatigued that I could not manage the normal demands of a growing family. I cooked only minimally and all too often dishes languished in the sink. My kids wrote on walls, threw their toys around, and the house was quite messy. I was also trying to potty train my daughter which added another messy layer to the situation.
In the midst of this, our landlord decided to place the home for sale. I cautioned him and his wife that I was really ill and pregnant and while I wanted to keep the house show-ready, I wasn't capable of keeping it in that condition. They said they understood, and I tried my best but wasn't able to manage it.
One afternoon we got home from church and my landlord left a very angry message on our voicemail. We returned his call where he screamed at my husband for 30 minutes. My husband finally hung up. He went into problem-solving mode and worked out a solution to the situation. He hand-delivered a letter with his proposal to our landlord's home, leaving it in the mailbox. Our landlord responded by calling us and threatening to call the cops on us if we ever entered his property again. This was such a bizarre situation. After his threat, his lawyer sent us an extremely threatening letter promising to sue us and claiming all sorts of damages that did not actually exist.
It was horrible. We felt scared all the time that he would show up and get violent. We contacted a lawyer to see what protection we could get. In the middle of this, I was recovering from my health issues, I was pregnant and hemorrhaging, and we had four young children.
In this situation, we did the only thing we could, we broke the lease and stopped paying rent. We found a new home and then paid a settlement of a few thousand dollars to the landlord. Before leaving the home, we cleaned it until it sparkled. He sold the house just a couple months later.
It was so scary and overwhelming. The landlord had no compassion or empathy for our situation or my health. If he had been smarter, we would have probably tried to buy that home because we were eager to settle into our own home. With ten years of experience, I still think the landlord was out of control and shouldn't have responded as he did.
I wouldn't choose to experience that again, but that moment was a catalyst for change. My children attended a better school in NY where the teachers were more understanding with my kids. It pushed us to accept an offer to move to Saudi Arabia a few years later. We also grew and matured from that experience, choosing rentals carefully and looking for landlords with considerable experience.
I still feel sadness and a tinge of fear, even 10 years later, when I reflect back on that experience. We don't ever drive by to see that house because those last months were colored with so much trauma and difficulty.
That first year in New York was unbelievably difficult. Trying to adapt to life in a new culture (even though it was my home country) was much harder than I anticipated. The cost of living with its impending necessity of serious penny-pinching, setting up doctors, helping my children adapt to a new country consumed all my time. I neglected my health and found myself in a serious health crisis with my thyroid.
On the heels of my thyroid crisis, which we stabilized, I became pregnant and spiraled down into another health crisis that was baffling to myself and the doctors. Unfortunately, we did not know I was pregnant because I continued to bleed at regular intervals during the first trimester. During this time, I discovered a lump the size of a golf ball in my neck. Alarmed, doctors ordered a battery of tests and my days were filled with doctor visits, blood tests, x-rays, and many questions. After a couple months we determined that I did not have cancer and we finally learned that I was pregnant.
During this time, I was incapable of functioning normally. I was so fatigued that I could not manage the normal demands of a growing family. I cooked only minimally and all too often dishes languished in the sink. My kids wrote on walls, threw their toys around, and the house was quite messy. I was also trying to potty train my daughter which added another messy layer to the situation.
In the midst of this, our landlord decided to place the home for sale. I cautioned him and his wife that I was really ill and pregnant and while I wanted to keep the house show-ready, I wasn't capable of keeping it in that condition. They said they understood, and I tried my best but wasn't able to manage it.
One afternoon we got home from church and my landlord left a very angry message on our voicemail. We returned his call where he screamed at my husband for 30 minutes. My husband finally hung up. He went into problem-solving mode and worked out a solution to the situation. He hand-delivered a letter with his proposal to our landlord's home, leaving it in the mailbox. Our landlord responded by calling us and threatening to call the cops on us if we ever entered his property again. This was such a bizarre situation. After his threat, his lawyer sent us an extremely threatening letter promising to sue us and claiming all sorts of damages that did not actually exist.
It was horrible. We felt scared all the time that he would show up and get violent. We contacted a lawyer to see what protection we could get. In the middle of this, I was recovering from my health issues, I was pregnant and hemorrhaging, and we had four young children.
In this situation, we did the only thing we could, we broke the lease and stopped paying rent. We found a new home and then paid a settlement of a few thousand dollars to the landlord. Before leaving the home, we cleaned it until it sparkled. He sold the house just a couple months later.
It was so scary and overwhelming. The landlord had no compassion or empathy for our situation or my health. If he had been smarter, we would have probably tried to buy that home because we were eager to settle into our own home. With ten years of experience, I still think the landlord was out of control and shouldn't have responded as he did.
I wouldn't choose to experience that again, but that moment was a catalyst for change. My children attended a better school in NY where the teachers were more understanding with my kids. It pushed us to accept an offer to move to Saudi Arabia a few years later. We also grew and matured from that experience, choosing rentals carefully and looking for landlords with considerable experience.
I still feel sadness and a tinge of fear, even 10 years later, when I reflect back on that experience. We don't ever drive by to see that house because those last months were colored with so much trauma and difficulty.
1 comment:
I don't think I knew a tenth of this at the time, which makes me feel like a horrible friend. You have endured so much so well. I admire you greatly.
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