Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Aches, Anxiety, and Ambition

For several years, perhaps even a decade or so, I have dealt with shoulder pain in my right shoulder. At times it is so acute that my arm seems to go numb and then tingle painfully. Then two years ago, my right hip began doing much of the same thing but unfortunately, the pain has been more unbearable. I have been to physical therapy, gotten massages, taken muscle relaxers, tried acupuncture and have gone to yoga. All these things help to some degree, temporarily. I figure a combination of side-sleeping, sitting down, anxiety and stress all contribute to these ailments.

A month ago at a mental health seminar, one of the instructors was teaching about meditation. She prefaced her instruction with a statement that the most effective way to reduce stress was to be very intentional and selective about what you choose to do, cautioning that all the meditation and yoga will never fully work if we are over-worked and over-booked. Her statement hit me with lightning force. Just that day I had composed a list full of to-dos that made me feel like throwing up because it was overwhelming.

I have been pondering her statement since then and considering the life I have and what I want it to be. This whole year has been focused on that, really. I am blessed/cursed to be very ambitious and full of ideas. (This explains the whole having six kids thing...) Sometimes though, I am so obtuse because it has taken years of unrelenting pain from anxiety and stress to realize that I cannot do it all and be happy. Even worse, I have been sabotaging myself and my goals by trying to do it all.

So this is a season of paring down to my most profound ambitions and essentials. My to-do list is no longer pages long. I don't need to write down every household task because crossing off isn't giving me any joy but rather heart palpitations. One thing I cannot neglect is my physical health so exercise and good nutrition are even more important. Even the simple act of only writing down three things to do daily feels better.


No comments: