Walking on the Path of Uncertainty

Yesterday I received some difficult news at a doctor visit. I have routine eye exams because plaquenil, the medication I take to keep my lupus in check, can cause some rare and irreversible eye damage. These eye checks are meant to catch any problems quickly before they become too severe. The ophthalmologist asked me how long I had taken plaquenil and when I told her that I have taken it for 13 years, she got very serious. While I currently have good vision and she isn't seeing any negative effects, she said the risk of eye damage was much greater after being on the medication for so long. She was going to recommend to my rheumatologist that I stop taking plaquenil and start other treatments.

This is very disturbing news as plaquenil has allowed me to lead a very healthy, normal, active life for the last thirteen years. In fact, lupus patients who take plaquenil long-term show better health and life outcomes. They live longer and experience lupus much less severely than patients who don't take plaquenil. Additionally, other lupus treatments, like prednisone or immune suppressants have much worse side effects and problems than plaquenil. The current recommendation is to have regular eye exams and stop treatment if any problems are noticed.

This leaves me in quite a quandry and anticipating a very important conversation with my rheumatologist. I don't want to stop taking plaquenil nor do I want any vision problems. I am not certain what the future holds and I feel worried what will happen.

While pondering this today, I felt impressed to listen to a talk from the podcast BYU speeches. I came across the talk, "Waiting upon the Lord: The Antidote to Uncertainty," by Dr. Erin Holmes.  It was just what I needed to hear. It reminded me that I am not walking this path alone, that God is with me, and that there are lessons to be learned in this time.