Friday Favorites: The Abolitionist

Did you know that there are 27 million slaves in the world today and 2 million of those slaves are children, often sold into sex slavery?

This fact devastates me and should horrify you. Its real and none of us have the right to ignore it or pretend that it doesn't exist.

A small group of men have begun to fight against this trafficking. Over the years, they have launched successful sting operations to shut down trafficking rings.

On May 16th, Monday, 480 movie theaters in the United States will be showing a documentary film called The Abolitionists about the work these men are doing to free children who were sold into sexual slavery.

This movie will only be shown on one day, unless it has a good turnout on Monday.

The gals at Mercy River have a powerful blog post about why everyone should see this movie.
The Abolitionists: Why We're Seeing the Movie We Don't Want to See

To me this movie, and the work being done by good men shows how men can use their power and unique qualities as a powerful and righteous force for good.

You can find a theater near you here.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Throwback Thursday: Once I Was a Pianist

I creep out of my bed to the living room, where the piano light dimly lights the room. My older sister is practicing a song before school and I longingly watch her fingers move along the keyboard. I'm not old enough to start learning how to play the piano but I am counting the days as best as a preschooler can.

The day soon arrives for my first piano lesson. I am bursting inside with joy and excitement. We open the little red piano book and I start learning a new language. For twelve years I go to lessons every week. Sometimes it is annoying to practice but mostly, the act of playing the piano brings me joy.

I am twelve years old and my cousin asks me to play at his baptism. I am excited and scared at the same time. I practice the songs with tremendous care. At his baptism, my legs tremble violently, but I manage to play the songs pretty well.

Over the years I play at church, at weddings, for friends singing. I feel like I am always at the piano, practicing or just playing for fun. I practice for hours on a daily basis.

In college, I can only play the piano in snatches. I accompany a friend during her voice lessons. She sounds much better than my attempts at playing German art songs do. My sophomore and junior years, I rent a piano. This creates a fun and curious dynamic in my apartments. People gather around the piano singing Christmas songs and irritated neighbors complain about the noise, . .

My life shifts dramatically when I marry, buckle down to finish my degree at university, take on a demanding part-time job as a seminary teacher, graduate, and then a little baby is born, making me a mother. Music is there but mostly relegated to the background.

The desire to have a piano and have music in my life on a daily basis becomes too strong to ignore. I find an old piano, make a payment on it, and start teaching piano lessons to pay for the monthly payments.

That begins my career as a piano teacher. Over the years, I teach beginning piano students in Utah, Sweden, New York, and Saudi Arabia. Teaching is so satisfying, but I don't often focus on practicing my own songs, unless I perform.

Back in New York, my piano sits in my living room, mostly untouched. My children play around on it, but I don't often sit down and practice. My fingers are rusty and stumble on the keys when I play. My once famous sight-reading skills have diminished to the point that one Sunday I had to ask to change the hymn because I couldn't play it on the spot. I don't teach anymore because my prime teaching hours are when my children are home and need me the most urgently. My children don't take lessons because my budget doesn't stretch that far right now and I am terrible at teaching my own children.

My children don't really know me as a pianist which is sad because that used to be a crucial part of my identity. In fact, this has been such a hard piece to write, precisely because I feel such sadness as I write about what I was and had. I worked really hard for many years and my family sacrificed a great deal to provide piano lessons for me. I need to recommit to playing and practicing and I need to try and figure out how to be a homeschool piano teacher to my kids.

Are there things that you developed as part of your identity that you have lost as you grew older? Do you regret that loss? Why or why not? 

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Wondering Wednesday: A Study in the Ordinary

This week, along with thousands of women, I am participating in a project called, A Week in the Life, where I document all the little everyday moments of my life. I have taken at least 100 pictures in the past few days. The pictures I take showcase the ordinary and mundane things that comprise my life.

I clean a lot, which is no surprise because I have six children. My house gets really messy.

Working on this project, I have caught some really tender moments.

My ordinary moments have changed over the years, as our family has grown, children go to school, we move to a different country, and people change. I'm a different person than I was 16 years ago when I was a very young mother to one small baby boy. I'll be a different person and our family circumstances will change in a few years as my oldest children start to leave home for missions, college, and their own families. In three years, all my children will be in school and I will no longer have a toddler following my every step.

I think that learning to appreciate the ordinary moments of life makes for a richer, fuller life. We start to see progress and growth as we look at how these ordinary moments fit into the big picture.


© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Travel Tuesday: A Day in NYC

My sister and her daughter spent a day in NYC with me.  We went to the Empire State Building, something I have never done before. I loved spending time with my sister and niece. 

Driving and parking in the city is always a drag. I found a parking garage where you park yourself, which was a better deal. However, we couldn't find a spot to park until an attendant scoured the garage for a spot. When we got out of the car, I realized I had forgotten my bag with my daughter's diapers, wipes, coat, extra clothes, blanket, etc. It wasn't that warm so I bundled her up in my coat and shivered my way around as we walked. 

I parked on 42nd street and we happened across the Cake Box Bakery. My niece is a big fan of the Cake Boss so of course we had to stop. We enjoyed a cupcake and a lobster tail. Both were delicious!

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There are so many fun things to see around Times Square.

We walked to the Empire State Building. I had purchased tickets previously through a website. We paid $32 per person to go to the 86th floor.

Waiting in line was basically a racket as they funneled you through gift shops, photo-ops, etc.

My toddler was DONE! So Aunt Shelly let her watch Daniel Tiger on the iPad. Aunts are the best.

Even though it was cloudy, windy, and cold, the view was actually amazing. Seeing the city from that height was really special. 

If I were to go again, I would recommend the tour on a sunny, warm day to get the best views!

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

World Lupus Day 2016

Today is World Lupus Day-- a day intended to raise awareness about this complicated and difficult disease.

I have had lupus for 12 years and have written about it quite often on this blog here, here, here, and here. I probably sound like a broken record to many people, but this is my reality.

Lupus affects many different aspects of my life. I share my story and life to help people understand what it means to live with a chronic illness. Lupus Research is finally on the rise after years of being ignored by scientists to study more popular or pressing diseases. Only recently, after a 50 year hiatus, have new drugs been developed to treat lupus. I take an anti-malarial medication which moderates my immune system.

Here are a few facts about lupus:

• Lupus is an auto-immune disease where the immune system attacks healthy tissue in the body. 
• At least 1.5 million Americans have lupus.
• Women of color are two to three times more likely to develop lupus than Caucasian women. 
• There is no one diagnostic test for lupus. Doctor diagnose lupus based on eleven criteria. Four of the diagnostic criteria must be met to diagnose a person with lupus. 
• Lupus often mimics or imitates other diseases so it is very hard to diagnose. 

But what does this mean for a normal woman, trying to live an ordinary life? Here are a few ways that lupus affects my daily life.

• Lupus causes me to constantly readjust and adapt my life and schedule. Lack of sleep is a big trigger, so if don't get a good night's rest, I have to take a nap or sleep in to remain healthy.
• I must constantly assess my health and adapt to what is needed.
• Stress can trigger flares, so I must be careful to manage and cope with stress.
• I see a specialist every three months (or more often if I am really sick) and get several vials of blood drawn every three months.
• I take medication every single day and will for the rest of my day.
• Pregnancy when you have lupus becomes really complicated. I had relatively easy pregnancies, but I had to see an OB/GYN and a perinatologist. I had to have ultrasounds on a monthly basis. 
• I worry about insurance issues. I have to have good insurance because my costs would go through the roof. 
• I work really, really hard to be healthy. I think about it a lot. The reason I am so healthy is due to good medical care and extreme vigilance about my health. I'm also extremely lucky that my lupus is rather mild. 
• There have been times when I have had to seriously curtail my kids' activities because I didn't have the energy or strength to deal with their complicated schedules. 
• I have to be very careful about the sun. I wear sunscreen all the time. If I go outside to garden, I completely cover.
• I have to adapt tools I use in the kitchen. I rarely make homemade mashed potatoes anymore because peeling potatoes is too painful. I use an electric can opener because it hurts my wrist to use a manual can opener. 

I don't share this post to beg for sympathy. I have a wonderful life with many opportunities and blessings.  I just want people to be aware of this disease. 

Mothering Monday: Homework Accountability and Failure

When I was growing up, if I didn't turn in my homework assignments, I was held accountable by my teachers. As far as I know, my parents were never contacted about late or missing homework. This wasn't because I was a perfect student. Far from it, I was/am a terrible procrastinator and often failed to deliver on big assignments and projects. I am sure my mom helped me when I was little with homework, but in general, she expected me to manage my own homework assignments.

In today's hyper-competitive parenting competition, such a hands-off approach toward homework is largely disdained, by parents and teachers alike. As a parent who prefers a hands-off approach, I find myself struggling to find some kind of happy medium. I feel like my primary responsibility as a parent is to raise my children so they can grow up and function without constant reminders or help from me. Wild idea, I know. That means, I think, that at some point in the twelve years of elementary, middle, and high school, parents need to step back.

I help my elementary school age children read directions for assignments and coach kids on spelling. With my older kids, I provide editing services and may talk them through assignments if they need help. My husband provides assistance for big science and math questions. We have a designated homework space and we also have a schedule which includes time for homework. I also think kids need downtime playing outside. So if the day is nice, I will send them outside to play before homework. I also encourage my kids to tackle projects in a timely manner to avoid the procrastination trap. I stay in the homework room while the kids are working to encourage and help as needed.

I don't check their pages to make sure they got every problem correct because I have this crazy idea that if they get a problem wrong, then the teacher will know what needs to be reviewed.  I don't check the school website everyday to review homework assignments, because I think my teenagers should be able to manage that without a parent's help. (Although in the beginning, we do that together so they learn how.) I don't intervene if a child gets a bad grade on a project or has a consequence for not completing assignments.

Sometimes (especially for a particular child) I get emails from teachers complaining about a large volume of missed assignments. I follow up with that child and they complete the work and turn it in, even if they will still receive a zero. I don't have a problem with that, but I do get frustrated when I feel that the (mostly middle) school expects me to micro-manage my children's homework, the quality of work they turn in, and keeping up with assignments. I spent three horrific years trying to do this for one of my kids and it nearly destroyed our relationship and my after-school sanity. I spent almost 5 hours a day forcing him to do homework. I dealt with email after email from teachers until I thought I was going to go crazy. I appreciate that my town's schools expect parental involvement which is beneficial for kids, but at some point kids have to take control of the reins to their education.

At this breaking point, I made a radical decision to step back and give my child the opportunity to fail. I'm not sure that all the teachers on the team were understanding of my desire but they respected it and have mostly supported me in giving my child autonomy in managing his homework. The result has been that he has a high B average. He could have As across the board because of his abilities, but this is what he is willing to do. Our relationship has improved greatly. I don't dread the after-school hours anymore because its not going to be a battle between the two of us. We have so many more positive interactions. Perhaps most importantly, he has taken on the responsibility for managing his workload. I have much more confidence in his ability to go onto high school and even college because he is becoming more independent.

The lesson I have learned is that at some point, parents need to give space for their children to fail, and that, in doing so, things are going to be okay, even if they do fail. The world isn't going to fall apart if one kid never turns in his homework and I'm still an okay parent for giving him that space.

Have you experienced this pressure to hyper-supervise and manage your child's homework? Have you had homework battles? Do you feel pressure from other parents and the school about how much time you need to spend with your child on homework? How do you navigate school challenges with your children?

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Spiritual Sunday: Lessons from Being a Mother

I believe that being a mother is a sacred and holy calling that is assigned to women from God. I'm grateful for my mother and for the opportunity to be a mother.

I am grateful to my mother, who carried me in her womb for nine months and then labored to bring me forth. She has nurtured me, fed me, clothed me, and provided opportunities for me to grow and develop. She believes in me and trusts me. I hope I can be like her someday.

I am grateful to my mother-in-law for being such a wonderful mother to my husband a wonderful grandmother to my children. My mother-in-law has always believed in my husband and has encouraged him in every endeavor. She raised him to be kind, respectful, loving, hard-working, faithful, honest, true, and happy. She is so loving and good to me. 

My oldest son was born 16 1/2 years ago. He is a clever, interesting, thoughtful, introverted, and driven. He is the son who is literally breaking me in for his siblings. He bears the majority of my parenting mistakes with grace. Right now he is teaching me how to let a child grow up and be independent.

My second son was born almost 15 years ago. He is grumpy in the morning, kind to his siblings, generous, carries almost encyclopedic knowledge in his head about a multitude of subjects, and is true to what he believes. Right now he is teaching me to be more patient and kind. He is also teaching me that people do change, especially with love and encouragement.

My third son was born almost 13 years ago. He is steady, diligent, goofy, mischievous, and a troublemaker. At the moment, he is teaching me that he can be trusted but that I also need to remember he is still a little boy.

My fourth child and oldest daughter turns 10 in just a few months. She is sweet, bright, positive, cheerful, self-assured, confident, musical, and light. She is teaching me to take more time enjoying her and her siblings.

My fifth child and fourth son is 6 1/2 years old. He is gentle, loving, kind, playful, and friendly. He is teaching me to be more calm and thoughtful when I speak.

My sixth child and second daughter is two and she just lights up my world. She makes funny faces, is independent, and snuggly. She reminds me how much I am needed, kids grow up too fast, and to savor the time I have with all my children.

© 2007-2016 TIFFANY WACASER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED